This is a collaborative post. All opinions are my own.

I want to try talking about some other topics this year beyond home decor. Maybe a little more parenting, finances, and real life stuff sprinkled in. Today, I've got marriage on the brain. Ben and I are in our early thirties, so I recognize that in the grand scheme of things, we're not that old or wise. But we've been together 14 years (whaaat), married for almost 10, and have three kids. Now, I'm not saying we're very qualified to give advice (we're mostly just winging it ourselves), but the other day, we started talking about ourselves pre-kids. Back when we were young, newly married, fresh out of college, and just getting started in our adult lives. I started thinking, What advice would we give to our younger selves, if we could go back in time?  Here are some things that came to mind, in no particular order. What advice would you add?

1. Excitement takes effort.

Marriage is not fireworks when you kiss and butterflies in your stomach and all those giddy new-relationship feelings.

If you're expecting the "falling-in-love" stage to last forever, you might get disappointed or think something is wrong when you realize it's not that exciting anymore. After all, this is your soulmate. Being meant for each other means the passion and excitement should be effortless, right? Wrong.

It's totally normal for your lives to get into a routine. After awhile, the excitement of being married will fade and it’s up to both of you to keep things fresh. Maybe that means traveling somewhere new together, or planning a date night, or doing something thoughtful to surprise your spouse.

Look for ways to create excitement and plan things to look forward to together.

2. Marriage means being known.

When you're dating, you naturally try to show your partner the best of you. But when you're married, your partner will see allll of you. They'll see you when you're happy, funny, loving, patient and kind. When you're dressed nicely with your hair done and your teeth brushed. But they'll also see you when you're angry, jealous, sad, discouraged, stubborn, and downright mean. When you lose your temper over something stupid. When you have puffy eyes and snot running down your face from crying. When you have morning breath and hairy legs and greasy hair. They will see you at your ugliest, most vulnerable and unfiltered self.

But here's the really beautiful thing. They will love you through all of that.

There is something so freeing about showing someone your true self, venting your darkest thoughts, exposing your deepest hopes, revealing your insecurities and the parts of you that you keep hidden from everyone else...and being received, known and loved.

So don't be afraid to let each other in. Don't try to keep up a perfect front, because that's exhausting and impossible anyways.

3. It's okay to sleep on it.

I once heard the saying "don't let the sun set on your anger" and I thought that meant, if we were having an argument at night, we had to hash it out and get it all resolved before we went to bed. We'd be tired and irritable, but we'd keep trying to talk it out. Needless to say, this led to a lot of unnecessary frustration.

Instead, we've learned that it's okay to say, "I love you, let's talk more in the morning." We might still disagree, but that's okay. When we're tired and already in a bad mood, there's no point in staying up to figure it out (it's not going to work anyways). It's much better to give each other a hug, go to bed, and get some sleep. In the light of morning, what seemed so important the night before might not be a big deal at all. Or maybe it still is. Either way, a fresh perspective and a good night's sleep will help.

4. Savor each stage of life.

There are wonderful things and irritating things about every single stage of life. Don't keep wishing for what's next. Live in the present and enjoy what's good about exactly where you are.

If you're not married yet, enjoy a bed all to yourself without fighting over the sheets. You can control mattress firmness and hear zero complaints. Got a sink full of dishes? Who says they need to be done now? These are little freedoms you can enjoy by being alone.

If you're married without kids, don't rush that stage of life either. Travel to places that would be hard to bring kids to, go on epic hikes, hang out with friends late at night, and go to movies in theater...when you have little kids, you will miss those things!

5. Nothing is ever perfect.

Even in marriage. Just as things weren’t perfect when you were younger, married life won’t be either. Break the notion that marriage is one big fairytale where everyone lives happily ever after...it’s not. You’ll disagree on house chores, finances, parenting decisions, and so many more things.

I think couples can get concerned and discouraged when their marriage does not seem perfect as they had expected. It's not going to be romantic all the time. Marriage is normal everyday life, with all of its ups and downs. Don’t worry. You can have bad days and still have a great marriage.

Name, please

Email (hidden)

URL, if you wish

Comment