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My parents still have the same sofas they bought when they got married. They paid off their house years ago, and we rarely ate out when I was a kid. My mom (who grew up in Malaysia) wasn't embarrassed to negotiate and haggle prices, and my dad never cared about flashy cars or fancy vacations. They drove a minivan and took us camping, except for the few times we flew to Asia to visit my mom's family, and one trip where we went to Washington D.C. and stayed in a hotel (it was memorable, that's how rare hotel stays were for us). So I grew up around frugality, which I am very grateful for, and some of it rubbed off on me. In high school, when other girls were spending hundreds of dollars on their dream prom dresses, I borrowed one that wasn't exactly my style--but it fit, and cost me nothing. In college, I volunteered to live in the back half of the living room in a house with four other girls, in order to get cheaper rent (we put together a makeshift wall: a king size sheet that hung as a curtain to block off my "room"). When Ben and I were getting married, I negotiated discounts with nearly every vendor and was determined to find wedding dresses that didn't cost an arm and a leg. I ended up getting one from China, which was a risk I wouldn't necessarily recommend across the board--but it worked out well in my case! And when I started this blog seven years ago, I was very focused on budget-friendly decor and DIY.
Over the years, as our careers grew and our budgets expanded, I started buying more and DIYing less. I started believing that it was better to buy quality and get what I truly wanted, than to "settle" for a more budget-friendly version. I started thinking it was normal to wear Frye boots and Anthropologie dresses. I bought furniture and home decor new, instead of trying to find something similar on Craigslist. I stopped DIYing stuff altogether. I convinced myself that using coupons meant I was getting a good deal. I paid for expensive balayage. We designated guilt-free date nights every week for eating out or ordering pizza. We decided that we deserved to go on more and more extravagant vacations (for what it's worth, I still don't regret any trip we've ever taken, but we probably could have been smarter about it--I'm looking at you, points!). And the funny thing is, I still thought I was smart with money. In some ways, compared to the average American consumer, I was. We always lived within our salaries and never got into credit card debt, and for years Ben and I shared one car and commuted to work together. We even lived in the basement unit of an old house with plumbing problems, for four years! But still, we had unwittingly and unintentionally succumbed to lifestyle creep. We just didn't feel the pain yet, because we were both working.
Then along came Ian! We were so so happy to become parents, and we loved him so much from the moment we first saw the plus sign on the pregnancy test. As a first time mom immersed in blogging, I was tremendously tempted to drop thousands of dollars on all the adorable, "necessary" baby gear. I didn't want a colorful hand-me-down baby swing, I wanted the tasteful designer one with five star reviews (only the best for my baby!). I couldn't get a stroller from the thrift store because I needed a BOB jogging stroller--even though to this day I have never actually used it for jogging (have to admit, I still love the BOB though). And although I got plenty of clothes as gifts or hand-me-downs, of course I still had to pick out some outfits myself. For the most part, all these choices were considered normal and were echoed in what I saw other people doing. But as I was writing about all the baby gear I was collecting, one person commented with a link to this post on the financial blog Mr. Money Mustache. It made me think about what's really necessary for raising a happy, healthy baby (hint: not much). It opened my eyes to our other financial decisions too. For a few months, I really went down the rabbit hole and convinced Ben to save really hardcore with me.
Then, we had Ian, and his birth circumstances were so all-consuming that by the time we emerged from the NICU, all that focus on money seemed vulgar and unimportant. We basked in the glow of new parenthood, and we tried to really soak in every moment and prioritize family time. We chose to have Ben take a three month unpaid paternity leave. I decided that I really wanted to stay at home with Ian, so we figured out a way to make that happen, by moving to a city with much cheaper housing costs where we had family to help out (Spokane!).
We are still relatively frugal: we drink water at restaurants, we make coffee at home, and we drive used vehicles. And yet, after we put the down payment on our house over a year ago, we haven't been able to build up a good chunk again. We've saved up some, then spent it, then saved and spent, etc. in a cycle that's going nowhere. I remembered when I was pregnant with Ian and got into Mr. Money Mustache's blog, how quickly our savings grew when we really put our minds to it. We only have one steady income now, but I believe we could do it again. I found some audiobooks and financial podcasts to inspire me (my favorite being the Bigger Pockets Money show), and I've been listening to them for a few months now. We have already made some changes that are finally "moving the needle" on our savings rate. With the new year, thinking about my goals for 2019, our finances really stand out to me as a place where I'd like to put some focus.
I don't want to be weird about it. I still want to meet friends for coffee, take our kids to do fun activities, keep working on our house, and go on a few trips this year. Obviously, I like design, so I'm not going to choose an ugly laminate flooring just because it's the cheapest. We still want to remodel at least one more bathroom this year, and work on the backyard and deck. But I want to do it smartly. I want to get back to my frugal roots and carefully scrutinize every decision. I want to thoroughly check Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace before I succumb to buying anything brand new. I want to be budget-wise and think about what will actually add value to our house. I want to feel uncomfortable with any unnecessary consumption.
With that, I feel like I need to adjust my blogging to more authentically reflect my own financial philosophies. If I'm not going to buy a bunch of seasonal decor, or try to keep up with the new 2019 trends, then I can't very well encourage you guys to do that (although I'm still interested in what the new trends are...just not going to try and change my house to chase a trend). As much as I'd looove to remodel our kitchen to be super Pinterest-worthy, I'm realizing that other things may be more important to me than getting my dream kitchen. We have a goal to save enough to purchase our first rental house, which could put money back in our pockets. An investment that advances our financial position. An asset, instead of a liability. And maybe, once we build up some passive income, we could eventually get that dream kitchen. Or maybe I will just do a more budget-friendly update and call it good.
Money conversations are hard to have, and it's so much more fun to talk about beautiful design and what we'd do if we didn't have budget constraints. But I want to be honest with you guys, and as much as I love decorating, I'm not rich. I can't buy stuff from McGee & Co. ;) I love looking at designer work for inspiration, but their clients are in another league financially speaking. I literally can't keep up with those Joneses. I can't remodel our whole house in one year, from top to bottom. I'm going to have to live with some of the less desirable aspects of our house for a long time. And that's ok! I have a happy life, an awesome family, and overall a great house (it's actually already bigger and nicer than what we need).
In 2019, I'm going to try and keep that perspective, and really cut down on our spending. I will probably have less house projects to share, and those that I do work on, will be budget-conscious and not necessarily my "dream." But I'll be happy to share my insights along the way, and hopefully they can help you to also stay on budget and make smart decisions for your home, your bank account, and your family! I'm putting this out there now, at the beginning of the year, to hold myself accountable. I have other goals for 2019 too, and I will possibly put together another blog post with all of them, but this is a big one for me. So I guess my "one word" for 2019 might be "CHEAP!" :D
I loved this post, Aileen! And good for you guys. I’m excited to follow along on your frugal journey and look forward to more financially-related posts (if you choose to share more, of course). I think we all benefit from honest talks about money, especially in the home design world. And if you haven’t check them out yet, I love Choose FI and FIRE Drill podcasts!
Thank you Cathy!!! You've been a big inspiration to me as someone who can balance good design & budget-wise choices--and successfully renovate rental houses for profit! I agree, I wish more people would be open about how money fits in with their decisions, but I understand it's not something everyone wants to talk about. I have listened to Choose FI and will check out FIRE Drill! Thanks for the recs!
Thank you so much for your honesty! It can be frustrating when there are beautiful new trends every week and it seems like everyone goes out and buys a ton of new things (also bad for the environment :() I can't wait to see your frugal posts in the future!
SO FRUSTRATING! I am totally susceptible to wanting to change my whole house around with each new wave of trends (thank you Pinterest). But yes, I agree--it's not only a drain on my bank account, but also totally bad for the environment. Thanks for your comment! xo
I relate so much to this that I could have written basically every single thing you said! It’s one reason why I haven’t been blogging, I started feeling hypocritical blogging about all this cool stuff when I wasn’t going to spend the money on it. Good luck! Can’t wait to hear about your frugal journey!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who was feeling hypocritical! Thanks for commenting & I hope my posts going forward can strike a good balance between my design-loving side and my money-conscious side. :)